It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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