no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
