ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
