You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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