My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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