I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
