Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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