just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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