Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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