I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
