The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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