she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
