She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
