Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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