There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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