I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
