you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
