I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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