your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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