Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
People in love make me want to vomit
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
