nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
