The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
