I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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