I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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