She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
