Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize