I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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