dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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