That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
