one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
