it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
