omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
