nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would fuck him just for his dog
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
