i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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