you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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