Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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