My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
