i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dicks are not precious.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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