I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
