i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
