So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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