Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
