i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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