So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
