im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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