I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
