On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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