so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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