Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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