i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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