What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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