I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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