chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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