beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
