Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
