So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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