I wish I only lived at night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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