Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
