so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The air taste purple.
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