I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
