I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
