i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Im part way to drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.