They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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