toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.