I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me