So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
