Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.