you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
