You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
