I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
time to smoke my breakfast
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
