What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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