okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
