The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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