i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
