his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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