Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
