So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
