you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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