I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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