Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
