You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
