So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
