Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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