I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize