dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
