I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
