hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
