My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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