he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
